Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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