i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
