Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
