every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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