New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
