I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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