he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
