4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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