dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
