Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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