Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
