she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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