so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
