Have you finally orgasmed yet?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
