I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
