We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i drank out of a bidet.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
