Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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