i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
