Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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