guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
