Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
