people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
