all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
