She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
