how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
