When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
