Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
