I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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