im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
