Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
