a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
