So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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