We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
