she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
