My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
