So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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