My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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