This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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