what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What a dumb baby whore.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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