guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
