Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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