don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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