Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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