shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
