He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
