whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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