I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
