yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
