I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
