I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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