my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
