She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
