I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
